What is the opposite of a "happy ending?"

The great Jane Ann Morrison over at the RJ busted two District Court Judges for using jury deliberation rooms as their own private massage parlors. The judges in question are Elissa Cadish and Susan Johnson. From Morrison's blog:

Cadish was the instigator. She said her former law firm let a massage therapist visit the law office for the convenience of employees. About a year ago, she contacted him and he started coming up on Fridays, setting up his massage bench in the jury deliberation room and offering massages for a dollar a minute like the ones at the mall.

Damn. Hale Lane hires massage therapists for the convenience of their employees? Nice!

The judges were just getting upper body massages, no nudity involved, but Chief Judge T. Arthur Ritchie, Jr. (again, the most pretentious name on the bench) thought that the public perception of the massages may be a problem. Thus, Judge Ritchie has asked that if the judges insist on continuing with the massages, they have them done in their private chambers. Yeah, that should help with perception.

(LVRJ; Thanks to everyone who sent this in)

Valley Layoff Watch, Part 3

Yes, that's right, we have back-to-back Layoff Watch posts, and this time there are actual layoffs to report. The culprit is Santoro Driggs Walch Kearney Holley & Thompson who, according to our math, has recently cut loose 5 4 people. From our anonymous tipster:

3 people have left Santoro Driggs in the past few days. Two have left on their own accord, but the rumor is they are just running in front of the broom. Two others were let go. The two that were let go may or may not have been given a period of time to try and find new jobs before they are officially taken off the payroll.

Yikes! Sounds like trouble. We wonder if these cuts are related to the rumored layoffs we heard about back in February.

UPDATE

We've received clarification that there were only 4 associates involved, not 5.

(Thanks, Anon)

Valley Layoff Watch, Part 2.9

We're still not sure what to call these quasi-cutbacks; they are not quite layoffs, but they certainly are not good news for the job market. Regardless, we have received more bad news. 

The local office of national firm Ballard Spahr Andrews & Ingersoll (which acquired Curran and Parry about two years ago to establish its valley presence) has delayed the start dates for its newly-hired associates until Fall of 2010. No word on whether the associates were offered a "Latham" ... but we seriously doubt it.

This comes as a bit of a shock to us, because at this time last year the firm was boasting that profits were up 15 percent, totaling $280 million for 2007. Additionally, the firm had established one of the best associate pay scales in the valley, starting its first-year associates at $133,000 (remember ... back when "Magic Numbers" used to matter).

We understand that these firms are running a business, but isn't this a little late in the game to be calling audibles? 

If you thought Noel Gage was bad before ...

Brace yourselves ... despite the grief we gave Noel Gage for his Medical Mafia antics, we never thought he would stoop this low.

That's right, in addition to being an (alleged) ethically corrupt attorney, Noel Gage is ... a water waster! Mr. Gage is ranked 73rd on the RJ's list of the 100 most prolific water wasters in the valley. Strangely, it seems to be a ranking of the 100 richest people in the valley as well ... go figure.

The list is a pretty interesting read, if not a bit Orwellian. The accompanying story even includes a map showing the location of all the water-wasters' homes, as well as satellite imagery of the top 10's palatial estates.

To be fair, George Bochanis beat Gage by a mile, coming in at number 43 and using 420,000 gallons more than Gage. Our friend Sheldon Adelson is also on there at number 79.

Lots-o-lawyers on that list, so let this be a lesson to all of you barrister millionaires: you can (allegedly) pay off all the doctors you want, but don't you dare water your acreage more than 3-days a week ... or the RJ will show your clients where you live!

(LVRJ)

Can we just go back to using the old courthouse?

For those of you new to the area, here's a newsflash: the RJC is falling apart. Between the horrendous elevator situation and the sewer problem that is still being addressed, the building has had issues since being "completed" in 2005 (3 years behind schedule).

Another "issue" reared its head last Wednesday when a leak on the 3rd floor caused courthouse personnel to turn off the water to the building on floors 3 through 17. This, in turn, caused some problems with the bathrooms on those floors, from the LV Sun:

Jurors in trials on the upper floors looking for a bathroom break, for example, had to travel down to the lower levels. On some of the higher floors, people ignored the closed-bathroom signs and used them anyway, clogging up toilets.

Lovely. Screw higher education, let's find some money in the budget to give those janitors a raise.

(LV Sun)

G. Dallas Horton Flowerbed Suit

A few of you have inquired about the G. Dallas Horton lawsuit mentioned in our March of the Morons post. While GDH didn't exactly "sue a flowerbed," the suit was quite ridiculous. The full opinion is available here (PDF link), but if you don't have time to read a 12-page opinion (what else do you have to do if you're reading this blog), we will do our best to brief the case below, law school-style:

Issue: Do homeowners have a duty to warn passing motorists if they have constructed a flowerbed on the other side of their wall?

Facts: Plaintiff was a passenger in a vehicle traveling 75 MPH in a 25 MPH zone. The vehicle ran a stop sign, lost control, and slammed into Defendant's cinder block wall. Defendant had constructed a flowerbed abutting the cinder block wall at the exact spot where Plaintiff's vehicle impacted the wall. Plaintiff sustained injuries that were worse than they would have been if the flowerbed was not there. Plaintiff claimed that said flowerbed made the wall into a "death trap." Plaintiff sued defendant for (1) negligently building the flowerbed, (2) failing to warn her of said flowerbed, and (3) negligence per se for building the flowerbed in a manner that violated the building code.

Procedural Posture: Appeal to the Supremes from the granting of a MSJ in favor of Defendant by (then) District Court Judge Michael Cherry.

Holding: What are you, stupid? Affirmed. No duty owed. Oh, and by the way, make that Judge a Justice.

The opinion itself (apart from the facts) is a bit of a yawner. It could have been so much better if our Justices had the slightest sense of humor. Instead, we get a 12-page lesson on duties owed; which, of course, didn't get published.

Quick poll: (1) How many of you plaintiff's attorneys (aspiring or currently practicing) would have taken this case? (2) If you would have taken it, would you have gone forward with the appeal as well? Let us know in the comments.

(Commongood.org)

Ode to Terry Figliuzzi-Mosley Lady

Here at WWL, we love all of our commenters equally. However, as with children, we hold a special place in our hearts for some of you. One such person is a woman (we assume she is a woman) whom we have come to lovingly refer to as "Terry Figliuzzi-Mosley Lady," or TFML.

First, a little background:

TFML first reared her head last November when we posted about Judge Mosley's mess with his son, Michael Mosley, after Michael was involved in a car crash that resulted in a death. TFML was adamant from the beginning that Michael's problems were Terry Mosley's fault (or as TFML refers to her: "Terry Figliuzzi-Mosely").

We thought TFML would simmer down after the Mosley post got knocked down a few rungs, but we underestimated her. Although the Mosley story was originally posted on November 19, 2008, TFML has continued to comment on it regularly. Her last comment was posted as recently as March 17, 2009.

Perhaps the most endearing thing about TFML is that she has not limited herself to commenting on the Mosley post, she has commented on some of our other posts as well, but her comments always deal with the same issue: her utter hatred of Terry Mosley.

According to TFML, Terry Mosley isn't a "Mosley" at all (although she is, apparently, Judge Mosley's baby mama). Terry had her name legally changed to Mosley, despite the fact that she never officially married the Judge.

At this point, you may be asking yourselves: "Who the *$%& cares?" Well, the reason we have shined the spotlight on our dear TFML is that she may have recently experienced an exciting triumph in her life. According to TFML, Terry Mosley has been arrested. From TFML's March 14th comment:

Good Job ~ Henderson Police Department.

Finally, law enforcement has picked up the infamous
Theresa (Terry) Figliuzzi Mosley....

Three arrest warrants were issued, and on Friday evening, March 13, 2009, Terry was handcuffed and booked into Henderson Detention, where she will appear in front of a Henderson Judge, Monday, March 16, 2009, in the afternoon ~ due to the hold that Clark County has on her, she will then be transported to Clark County Detention...

Who says Friday the 13th, is bad news!

Great Job ~ law enforcement! Remember she is an
xxxx girlfriend of a judge, NEVER THE WIFE of a judge....

What's that? You would like a more concrete source than the ranting of an anonymous commenter? Tough ... we couldn't find one. Also, a search of Google and the court calendars didn't turn up anything. However, we aren't about to deny TFML her day in the sun (even if it may be imagined). So, this post is for you, TFML - our favorite borderline-insane commenter.

UPDATE

The arrest of Terry Mosley has been confirmed. She was arrested for felony theft and writing multiple bad checks. TFML - we are sorry we ever doubted you sweetheart.

March of the Morons

You may recall Mark Kabins as the doctor from the Noel Gage saga whose lack of immunity led Judge Quackenbush to dismiss the case. Prosecutors refused to offer Kabins immunity because they had not yet decided whether to file charges against him. Well, it looks like they have made their decision.

George Knapp at LV Now witnessed the circus of PI attorneys that surrounded Kabins for his perp-walk from the federal courthouse after finding out about the eight-count indictment filed against him last Thursday. Knapp's depiction of the scene is priceless:

A couple of dozen lawyers from firms which have raked in tens of millions of dollars working with assorted medical mafia suspects, including Dr. Kabins, showed up to escort the Las Vegas surgeon after he entered his plea to fraud and conspiracy charges.

When they came out of the courthouse, they formed into sort of a phalanx around the doctor, in part to keep [reporters] away from him. They moved as one, almost like a military unit ...

As the Kabins posse moved down the sidewalk, the surly lawyers did their best to look like tough guys -- like hired goons sent to bust up the dockworkers union, except it's hard to look too tough when your nails are manicured and you're wearing $1,000 suits.

So, who were these "surley lawyers?" Exactly who you would expect:

A lot of them work for Robert Eglet, whose law firm made millions with Dr. Kabins and alleged medical fixer Howard Awand. Eglet once compared the federal investigation of crooked lawyers to the Nazi extermination of Jews.

One man pointing directions is lawyer John Spilotro, whose family name is well known in the history of the Las Vegas mob. John represented Rocco Lombardo, brother of Chicago mafia boss Joey the Clown.

Another braying victim of our lone cameraman is G. Dallas Horton, personal injury lawyer, who once sued a flower bed for causing a car accident.

Sounds like an all-star cast, a real "who's who" of daytime television cheesery. One has to wonder why Kabins has garnered such support from the legal "elite." Our (obvious) guess is that Kabins has enough dirt on these guys to get them all arrested and/or disbarred ... if he goes down, they all go down.

For those of you who don't practice personal injury or are unfamiliar with what it is medical "experts" do, they are just like regular doctors ... only the plaintiff's prognosis usually depends upon which side is paying. We know, it's hard to imagine how allegations of fraud could pervade such a system.

If you don't mind watching a commercial first, here is a video of Knapp's commentary and the lawyers' shenanigans (feel free to name any friends you recognize in the comments).

BONUS ROUND

We are offering 5 free WWL points to the reader who can identify this man*:

Contest over. Anon 10:02 has identified him as Jon Remmel of Mainor Eglet Cottle. Strangely, his profile has disappeared from the MEC site, but he is definitely pictured in the line-o-sharks (second from the left).

*(Please note: WWL points are redeemable only in-person at our Anchorage, Alaska store location. 500 points gets you a WWL collector's spoon.)

(LV Now; Thanks Anon 10:02)

But he sounds so professional ...

Well, it looks like the long arm of the law finally caught up with Jack Ferm, J.D. (well, allegedly J.D.) For those of you who haven't been following, Jack has been a naughty boy, preying on venerable clients who trusted his claims that he could stop the foreclosures on their homes.

Jack is the head of the U.S. Justice Foundation, which claims to "stop foreclosures" by providing forms to clients (for a $2,500 flat fee) that the clients use to sue their lender pro per by alleging that the lender does not have a valid note/mortgage, then demanding that the lender provide evidence of a valid note/mortgage. Of course, the lender's vigorously oppose the litigation and continue with the foreclosure. Jack, strangely, is nowhere to be found at this point.

Jack's website (taken down sometime today, cached here) was a fascinating read, chock full of bullshit. Let's look at his resume':

Jack Ferm, a law school graduate, was a talk show host in Las Vegas, Nevada from 1994 to 2003. His show was "Straight Talk" and was broadcast every Thursday from 5-6 p.m.

Sounds ok ... wonder what law school he went to:

He attended Northrop University School of Law, and Bernadine University. He received his Law Degree from Bernadine University.

Where? According to Google, neither of those "Universities" exist. Well, there are a lot of small, unknown law schools in California. So, where did he take the bar?

Although finishing at the top of his class, Jack Ferm has declined to take the Bar exam because he believes the legal system is in a state of decline and chaos.

Oh, so that "law school" wasn't "accredited." Some people protest the decline of the legal system by telling lawyer jokes, some protest by going through "law school" and not taking the bar. To each his own. Anyways, he was on the radio, so he must have some qualifications, right?

Jack has been involved in a variety of high profile cases working with Alan Dershowitz on the Sandra Murphy defense and appeal, and with Melvin Belli in a high-profile toxic mold civil case to name a few.

That's a couple, Jack, not a few, but you're a fake lawyer, not a fake mathematician, so we'll let it slide. What is it that you do, Jack?

While Jack Ferm was practicing Bankruptcy Law, he filed more than 1,000 successful bankruptcies for his clients and taught Bankruptcy Law to the lay public and to attorneys. He has been personally involved in and won many important lawsuits.

Oh, so you're a bankruptcy attorney? And you never took the bar? Gee, Jack, that sounds suspiciously like the unauthorized practice of law. Not to worry, fellow readers (most of whom worked very hard in order to claim that you "practice law"), Jacky-boy is getting his. Yesterday, the Nevada Attorney General arrested him on two counts of felony theft and related charges in connection with his operation of the U.S. Justice Foundation.

Good luck, Jack. We doubt that any amount of "Straight Talk" is going to get you out of this one. Hope you paid attention in fake crim pro.

(Thanks TR)

Layoff Watch, Part 2.5

Ok, maybe Jones Vargas' latest shenanigans don't officially count as "layoffs," but we thought the story deserved its own post. As mentioned in the previous post, Jones Vargas has recently rescinded offers made to all 2Ls for summer associates positions, completely scrapping their summer program.

We have also learned that Jones Vargas has reneged the offers extended to last year's summer associates.

This is a pretty slimy move this late in the game, made worse after considering JV partner Joe Brown's comments to the RJ less than two weeks ago where he said that "his firm hasn't had layoffs." They don't count if they never really worked for you, right?

Good luck to those of you now scrambling for work. Remember: trust no one.

(RJ; Various tipsters)

Rumor Monday

We are looking for confirmations/denials regarding the following rumors, feel free enlighten us in the comments:

• Rumor #1: The Heavy Hitter may have just gone through a round of layoffs. (We have a hard time believing this one, as it appears that plaintiff's firms are doing just fine in this economy.)

• Rumor #2: The traffic ticket busting firms in town may be planning to finance a campaign against Chief Judge Ann Zimmerman when she comes up for election. Apparently, the mystery candidate being touted has plenty of money on his own, and is expected to be well-backed besides. This likely has to do with the Judge's rumored smack-down on ticket-busting firms.

• Rumor #3: According to an anonymous commenter, the KKBRF - GT merger is officially off. The same commenter adds that one KKBRF litigation partner and two transactional partners are leaving to start their own firm (these attorneys, apparently, were not part of KKBRF's recent bloodbath). Also, KKBRF's governmental affairs group may or may not be leaving in April, depending on which anonymous commenter you believe.

Let us know if you have any information.

UPDATE

• Rumor #4: Jones Vargas has recently rescinded offers to its 2L summer associates. This has been confirmed. We are awaiting a response from Jones Vargas with details. Apparently, summers received a letter in late February indicating that, because of the poor economy, the firm was withdrawing their offers of employment. Nice of them to leave their summers with plenty of time to find alternative placements. Very classy, JV.

Thanks, tipsters!

Roller Judge

Did you know that Clark County District Court Judge Valorie Vega put herself through law school by skating on a professional roller derby team? Yeah, neither did we. From the LV Sun:

She started playing while attending law school in 1980.

“It was good money. It was real good money,” Vega says. “It helped pay for a lot of those big, fat law books I had to buy.”

And the night-and-weekend schedule didn’t interfere with her classes at USC, although there was that time she took a toss over the rails that broke her arm and dislocated her shoulder during final exams. She took one while loaded on rhino-grade painkillers. When she left the classroom, she had to ask a friend if she had handed in her blue exam book.

So many questions. Perhaps the most important being: What the hell are "rhino-grade painkillers?"

(LV Sun)

CD Attorneys: Start Your Engines

Apparently, size does matter. The proposed 49-story Harmon hotel at City Center has been decapitated due to improperly installed rebar on 15 floors of the building currently under construction. Designed by "British superstar architect" Lord Norman Foster, the building will now be capped at 28 stories, which, as you can see, looks ridiculous. From the LV Sun:

It's still unclear how Harmon will be capped, and what reengineering will be required for such infrastructure elements as elevators and vents. If the Harmon's exterior isn't significantly redesigned, it risks looking unmistakably out of proportion. Think 28 oz. of tomatoes squished into a 16 oz. can.

We weap weep for all the bankrupted contractors/subcontractors who will be left in the wake of this mess.

(LV Sun; spellcheck)