A Poetry Interlude

A poem has been making the rounds around Vegas law firms over the past few weeks. While we here at WWL are not the biggest fans of poetry (too many memories of poetry ruining our naps in high school English class), we thought it was a nice snapshot of some lawyers' feelings about the quality of billboard advertising attorneys.

Half-Ass Lawyers
(www.halfasslawyers.com)

In the summer of 2009, billboards started appearing in Las Vegas advertising “Half Price Lawyers”. Although I do not know anything about the quality of service they provide, I do have to give them credit for inspiring this poem.

Do you need a lawyer
‘Cause you slipped and fell?
Or you wanna sue someone
‘Cause you’re not feelin’ well?

You need look no further;
We’ll be your warriors;
You’ll save some dough too,
‘Cause we’re Half-Ass Lawyers.

You’ll find us quite responsive
Like soldiers at an air raid;
Although our enthusiasm dampens
As soon as we’ve been paid.

We don’t do much legal research,
And your contract—half we’ll review.
But we’re quick to file a lawsuit
And pursue it part-way through.

We’ll defend your DUI,
The “How To” book is on my shelf;
We’ve got plenty of experience
(I’ve had several myself!)

We handle criminal cases
Like murder, mayhem and theft;
And when we settle a civil case,
After our fee, you get what’s left.

We’re a happy-go-lucky bunch,
We never, ever get stressed;
See, when the going gets tough,
We respond . . . by doing less.

Deadlines don’t concern us;
They’re really no big deal.
And if our case is thrown out,
Heck, we can always appeal.

If you call us on the phone,
‘Bout the status of your divorce,
We’ll talk if we’re around,
But we’re usually on the course.

But there’s no need to worry
For each ailment there’s a salve;
We’ve trained our secretaries to answer
Any questions you may have.

You’ve seen us on TV,
So you know who we are;
You can’t believe what it’s cost
To make myself a star!

Who knew a poet's soul could survive law school and still write verse?